hoo-aahs

Most of the people who know me know that I’m not shy about talking about things in the bathroom, so if that offends you, then close this blog entry down because I’m going to talk about doing your business deployed. I am after all the proud owner of a cute purple pin with a bunny and a speech bubble that says “oops, I pooped on your stuff.” There’s a whole other pooper story there though I won’t get into here. My Mom said if things make you laugh, you have to buy them… I think she was only talking about cards though… but then again, I have an Edna doll that talks from the Disney Incredibles movie too. “Hello daaaling, I’m E…dna”

I’m not sure when grown ups started to use baby wipes in the “adult” form called “fresh scents” but the more and more I go to other people’s homes, I see them strategically placed near the toilet… so I know people are using these things, not just me. I discovered them a couple years ago. The idea came to me from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy when the bathroom guru guy was impressed with a straight guy’s habit of wiping his ass with baby wipes, while ridiculing him for having a filthy bathroom. So anyway, I tried it and liked them.

Well, here… the food served here makes my #2 into a bit of an interesting consistency. I know I’m not the only one with this issue because any toilet you go to here has skid marks… I think that’s a product of the toilets not being of the same design as the American ones (the hole is more to the front which makes flushing harder and also presents the chance that you might (gross) touch the inside back of the toilet while you are wiping up). It is also a product of the food affecting everybody else’s bowels too because instead of having movements here, people have explosions… wallpapering the interior of the toilet. Rather disgusting.

So not having the convenience of my fresh scents strategically placed next to my own toilet, I went to the BX here to see if they had any small packets of something similar I could carry in my DCU pocket… low and behold I discovered “Hoo-aahs…” the camouflaged packet of moist field towels. I decided to give them a shot and they worked great. I don’t think they made them for your ass though because they are much larger than something I would need… so I ripped it in half… but they do the job.

So that takes care of #2, what about #1?

There is an underground newspaper here… I’ve only heard about it because it was apparently shut down after the article I’m about to describe… The 2-star here was apparently aware of it and thought it was funny, but the base wing commander didn’t like this particular article and asked the 2-star to shut it down. I of course got this all back channel and don’t know these things as fact, but so goes the rumor. The article in question spoofs an event that an Airman was found with 10 gator aide bottles of urine in his room. When base leadership was questioned on the event, the wing commander is quoted in the parody paper as saying “I don’t know why he had to use gator aide bottles when the water bottles that are cheaper would have worked just fine.”

You see… in the middle of the night (last night this happened to me twice)… the last thing you want to do is put on your shirt, flops, man purse and safety boy belt to go walk the 50 feet to the caddy to pee… so I guess it is common practice to pee in a bottle and chuck it the next morning. I have to admit, I did this one night. It was gross to have to carry it to the bathroom to chuck, and yes I used the gator aid bottle instead of the water bottle…

Breakfast: ham and veggie omelet

Lunch: Chicken Salad

Dinner: Don’t know…

As for work today… I started to do an aspect of my job that I’ve never had to do before… media analysis. It is something most Pubic Affairs people don’t have much time to do because our primary job is to affect the media by putting products and information out there and we don’t have time to do media analysis of the crap that’s already out there… especially if we are not the ones putting it out… but the learning process of doing this analysis will be good for me in the future when I get out of the Air Force (12 more long damn years till retirement… will I make it? Ugh). Media analysis is good for when you need to gauge the audience to format your message to. We don’t really do that here because we (my small organization) don’t put any real message out… and the few that we do… we certainly don’t look at our media analysis to help shape that message. So why do we do the media analysis? Hell if I know… but at least I’m getting the experience in doing it.