Already prepping for my return... I've been given instructions on how to reincorporate myself back into society.
1. Don't be alarmed in the event that a woman walks into your bedroom. She's supposed to be there. She is nice and will do things with you that you will enjoy, even after the novelty wears off.
2. Develop confidence that you can sit on the commode and do your business without having a conversation with the guy in the next stall. Learning to adjust to the silence in your bathroom is a good first step.
3. Many returnees suffer from cases of Roomate Separation Anxiety. Learn to recognize and deal with the early signs of this debilitating condition. Take turns leaving each other alone in the room for specified periods of time; as your comfort level grows extend the time period.
4. You will adjust to colors much more smoothly if you slowly acclimate yourself to small numbers at a time building on the 4 we have here. Looking at magazines onboard the return plane is a good way to build up your tolerance and avoid potential visual overload.
5. Be assured that the green stuff which surrounds many buildings back in the States is perfectly safe even if you step on it.
6. There have been reports of returnees walking down the street at 0200 in the morning and urinating in their neighbor's tool shed. This is not necessary, it irritates your neighbors and frightens your children. Shortly after your return home, have your family show you the bathroom and explain any features which may be unfamiliar to you.
7. Be advised that beer is available in near unlimited quantities in the States. Ensure that you have thoroughly familiar with Item 6 (above).
8. Paradoxically, despite the much larger number of vehicles in the States, you will not be required wear your reflector belt. If you do choose to wear it, be assured that you will attract attention. Of the wrong sort. If you plan on separating from the Air Force following your return to the States, keep your reflector belt if you are planning a second career as either a superhero/crimefighter or construction site flagman.
9. If, upon returning to your homestation, you drive the way you have been taught to drive here you will not be arrested, you will be shot.
10. If you stop anyone on the street and demand to see their "manpurse", you will be beaten up and then shot.
11. Be warned that if you take 3 minute showers at home, your family's response will vary from "suspicious" to "dubious".
12. This is likely to be the last list of instructions you will see. Upon return to the States you will be required to think for yourself and conduct yourself as an "adult" (see glossary). We've coddled you long enough.