Almost Famous

Regarding the subject of this blog… there was once a book by an author with my name entitled that… I should read it.

I don’t know if this is good or bad, but I can now officially be googled and people will get (as of right now) 755 hits. I wish my name were associated with something better, or I had said something more prophetic, but my claim to fame for those 15 seconds was standing up for another country’s diplomatic sensitivities by not releasing their location during a major incident while in the paragraph preceding my eloquence names a specific country. Makes me look like a fumbling idiot… I love it. Ha!

I also love the part where if you really get down into this google search… the conspiracy theory engines are working ideas about what I said. All that just makes me laugh. They need to go home, put the tin foil back up on their windows and let all the voices in their heads calm them to sleep.

So I’m famous… Everybody around here is bringing me print outs of articles asking for my autograph. Old friends are coming out of the woodworks and saying “Hey, saw you in the paper.” Like I’m going to share my limelight. HA! No really… so this is what it feels like to win American Idol because tomorrow, nobody will remember my name.

I didn’t actually have to talk to all 755 media. Just felt like about 734 of them. What made it all the more fun is that I was practically the only one in the office. Great experience for my tool belt of things I’ve done in my career and my team did great responding… wasn’t all me, I was just the voice on the phone.

Today has been dead. The story is now old. I’m washed up. I probably won’t even get invited to the Oscars now. I was the “it” guy for 10 seconds and now I’m relegated to doing underwear modeling jobs for JC Penny catalogs.

The worst part of the day was when I went to dinner late and the lobster tails were gone. Somamabitch.

Cheers,

d

5 Care packages!

Holy Cow Alice… people love me this week. I got 5 care packages in 2 days and one letter. My office is jealous. You’re going to have to stop sending me things… they think their family and friends don’t love them as much as my family and friends obviously love me.

Grams sent a chocolate cake… and a can of frosting too! And some other goodies. Mom made my very favorite kid snack… chex mix… and she remembered I don’t like the pretzels in it too. Cousin Becki sent me more air fresheners that I shared with the officemates who have stinky rooms too… Co-worker Karen sent me giant nuts and Good friends Darren and Gary sent me some healthy-guilt free snacks. Thank you all!

Yesterday’s care package also came with some wipes… which I didn’t have any at work. I’m so glad too because yesterday, the base was sans water… no shower. I bathed in Purell… not the ideal, but it did the job.

A bath-less day, the hardest/busiest day at work yet and a head cold that’s been kicking my ass… yesterday was the worst day ever. Nyquil and a nest of pillows saw me to sleep. Today I’ve been high as a kite all day, which has seen me through the day. Thank god for drugs. I have no idea how these naturalists can live w/o motrin et. al.

Anyway… off to a party.

Cheers

d

grabbin' grub

Aaaahhhhhh… I never thought I would enjoy washing a car so much. It is about 113 degrees out right now. I caught a ride over to ops with a buddy who was going to wash his car. I wanted to drop some flags off with the flying squadron over there who will fly a flag over Iraq for me and do up a nice certificate. Grandpa’s Christmas Prize… don’t tell him.

Anyway… after that errand was done, we went to wash his car. The mist – probably with kicked up with talcum-powder they call sand – got all over me and it felt fantastic.

After I’ve been doing something for long enough, I’m able to find work-arounds for the things I don’t like. The one thing I dread on my day off is the long walk to the chow hall. On days I work, the other chow hall is right next to my office. But on days off, I have to walk a pretty decent way. So for lunch every Monday I’m off, I’ve been doing Subway – which is close – but isn’t like the Subway in the states. There’s something wrong with the bread. Not so fresh and you have to pay for it unlike any other meal on base… so if I’m going to have to have a crappy sandwich instead of walking in the beating sun to the chow hall… I want it free.

There is a place here called the grab and go… or the grab some grub… something like that. Kind of a to-go place you can get 2 of everything… cereal, fruit, drink, snack and various sandwiches. So today… after having 4 days off now in the almost 60 days I’ve been here… I made it a point to get some to-go food after the car wash before I’m trapped in my room for a day. Although I really enjoy not having to wake up (even though I will easily be awake by 6am)… not doing anything in my roommate-less room… I kind of prefer just going to work. I need the day off simply so I don’t have to shave for one day a week… the couple weeks I didn’t get a proper day off and had to shave for almost 3 weeks straight, I thought my face was going to burn off. Such sensitive skin… have to take a break.

I just found drugstore.com which ships to APO addresses… and spent some cash on some products. Not the products I normally use, but will do in the interim. Although I brought Clinique for men stuff with me that is almost gone – I can’t justify spending that cash when I don’t care a flying pig what I look like at the moment.

My goal for the day off is to go buy speakers at the BX. They have small portable speakers there for $10 and I just discovered my iPod has an alarm clock… how great is that? I can wake up to music now instead of that incessant beeping from that $2 travel alarm clock piece of crap that only has a 4 minute snooze on it.

So I saw Jim Catchatore from the weather channel was back in my old hood in Florida with that storm Arlene… I think that man just brings a truck with a big wind machine in it wherever he goes.

Going to finish watching “Apt Pupil.” Kind of sucks… but nothing else to do and the movie server is limited in movies I’ve not seen.

Dinner last night: Minestrone soup and jello

Breakfast: eggs, bacon, oatmeal with raisins, coffee and apple juice… still no OJ. WTF Florida!

Lunch: Turkey, stuffing, way bad wax beans that were not cooked properly. Wax beans are normally cooked to all hell… how do you make wax beans crunchy? Gross… must be normal beans bleached by the sun. Why can’t they have broccoli every day?

For dinner tonight I think I’m just going to pour a bowl of milk and mash up some cookies in it. Or maybe some Chocolate cake and have chocolate cake soup.

Cheers,

d

Apple pie and fields of grain.

There are a few instances in life which should seem a bit more poignant… carry a bit more weight and that you won’t forget ever. Listening to a choir sing the National Anthem at a baseball game in the U.S. while standing at attention should be touching. Add this… it was the night before I departed on this summer vacation. I went with my family to see the Nationals play the Braves in D.C.. America’s pastime in our Nation’s capital listening to that choir the day before I went to war while 2 Soldiers on R&R from the hospital, each missing a leg, sat a row away from me and were paid a tribute.

Today, though, I stood at attention in a packed and hot theater on the other side of the world. The 3-star general in charge of all air operations in the war on terror – my ultimate boss over here – gave a short speech while officiating at a change of command where my previous boss twice over in 2 previous assignments took command of the wing here. This time when our nation’s Anthem was sung – it was by a lone pilot wearing a muted tan flight suit, faded by the hot desert sun. The only time I’ve ever seen a fighter pilot sing is at the bar belting raunchy songs about women and wine. I don’t know what he flies… Last night, this man could have been flying a mission over Afghanistan delivering much needed supplies to Soldiers rooting out Taliban and Anti-Coalition forces. Or he could have been flying in an F-16, circling… waiting to provide close air support to Marines in a fire fight with Anti-Iraqi insurgents. But here he was today in front of this audience of Airmen singing our National Anthem.

All those who spoke today talked of accomplishments in the war to bring democracy to Afghanistan and Iraq. I can’t make an opinion on whether we are supposed to be here or not… I’ve put my faith in our country’s leadership on that one… But I do know we’ve made a difference in a lot of people’s lives. Is this our global role? I’m not one to ask such questions. All I know is that since I’ve been here, I’ve been frustrated numerous times about my ability to make a difference here. When these great Airmen Generals spoke today… they spoke of the collective accomplishments of the Coalition efforts in both wars and how we here… at this base helped bring about elections in both Iraq and Afghanistan… The first democratic elections in Afghanistan ever. Turning the government of Iraq over to the Iraqis after years under a tyrannical leader. The people here had an effect on that. The little pogs and widgets everywhere over here have come together to make that mission happen and I guess I’m one of those pogs.

I didn’t join the Air Force for any patriotic reason or for any payment I felt I owed my country… I just saw the opportunity. I don’t consider myself a patriotic person because I’m not out there waving the American Flag on the 4^th of July in some parade or volunteering in some grass roots cause to make our country better. But I guess it isn’t that true that I’m not patriotic if I think of myself as one of these pogs… and that a single tribute by our National Anthem can stick in my mind so…

Maybe when I go home, I’ll put a flag on my front porch. Like my grandpa.

d

I'm sorry, my beloved fans

I had no idea how many people were reading my blog… In response to the number of folks who want me to start back up…

I stopped writing because it became one giant ball of negativity. If there is one thing I would like to change in my life – it is to make my sarcasm less negative… so I gave up on the blog. Negativity breeds more negativity. My mom likes to smile at people on Mondays because everybody is miserable on Mondays. I don’t like to smile at people at all… but I’m not going to be miserable here despite how much it absolutely blows.

After making that determination, things got so much better. I’ve gotten into the monotonous routine of groundhog day. Everybody else here calls it their “battle rhythm.” If that makes them feel better about helping the war effort by putting “battle” in the name they call their day’s activities… more power to them. I don’t wear a helmet to work and I wasn’t even issued a gun. I sit in front of a computer most of the day and monitor the war that is happening hundreds of miles away. I can’t justify what I do here as even being remotely related to battle, despite my hazardous duty pay.

The main reason I’m much better is because Retro… who if you’ve followed my blog… left. Praise the Lord, Hallelujiah – you set my people free! We all said our prayers when we threw her out the car at the airport that nothing would happen to the plane and she’d just go. And she did. And we partied! And all the people in the church said Amen.

My new boss has been a breath of fresh air. Dusty, hot and sticky air… but fresh. She actually lets me go out and do my job.

All the quadruple checking of everything is gone. I can appreciate the need to check things more than once. If you are even a bit of OCD like myself and have ever run back to your door to see if you locked it you’ll understand… When I lived in Florida, I’d be half way to work and turn around to make sure the garage door closed. But Retro wouldn’t even let you send an email without her checking it… all of that is gone. The chains have been broken.

And it is amazing how when left to do my job, I’ve actually done some stuff… I even got CNN to call and query me on a project I was working. National media calling a public affairs officer… be still my heart. Don’t tell anybody, they might think I’m working. For the first 30 days I was here, I got so used to not doing my job that when I did… people have been amazed and impressed at the simplest little things. I think it is funny. I could have been doing this all along but… well, I’ll leave it as I just don’t understand why people don’t have common sense sometimes.

I have served a sentence of just over 45 days now according to my paradise donut, which I rarely look at. That means I have about 11 weeks left. My donut can calculate that down to the second… Everybody here has their donut. It is an excel spreadsheet that calculates how many hours they’ve spent here, dollars earned, beers drank… whatever measurement to make this place go by faster. I don’t look at my donut often. I think it makes the time go by slower.

Another excellent reason for my upswing in mood is that just over a week ago, I moved rooms. My new room is clean. Clean as when you walk in, you get that monty python choir of angels echo when God shows up “Awwwwwwwwww” kind of clean. I was supposed to have a roommate show up the night I moved in, but he never did… so I put a visitor to our office up for a couple of days. He got pretty sick while here… but he was such a courteous guy that instead of coughing all night, he went outside and sat on the porch to cough. Course he was freezing his ass off too because he adjusted the A/C the wrong way. After the previous roommate situation, I’m just not used to such courtesy… He is gone and still no roommate. It might possibly be because every day I accidentally forget and leave his key at home that I need to turn in… one of these days I need to get around to turning in that extra… I would hate to be thought of gaming the system by purposely not turning in that key… I just keep forgetting. Honest. Ginko biloba.

If you are interested in what I actually do here… We finally got a web site to publish our primary release that we send out daily… Whatever the hell black anthem news is… I don’t know, but here’s our main product every day: http://www.blackanthem.com/News/2005060811.html

Off to work

D

Yesterday:

Breakfast – Rice Krispys and under ripe banana… ran out of OJ, but found apple juice in the back of the fridge

Lunch – grilled chicken salad

Dinner – skrimps and baked potato… tangerine for desert (I’m trying to avoid the cakes and ice creams since grandma is stocking me up weekly now with a cake in the mail which I share with my office mates. I just got a note that this next one will be a chocolate bunt with a can of frosting for me to frost it myself.

Today:

Breakfast – raisin bran, perfect banana (which means tomorrow’s will be gross) and apple juice… where the hell is the Tropicana shipment? Somebody get on those people in Florida to ship some orange juice to the war!!!